Monday, February 1, 2010
Just one drink
For some people 'just one drink' is all that's needed, required or wanted. For others that's only the beginning. For others it becomes an escape, a retreat and safe place where the hurt is gone.
That is what it was for me. I was married to the man who raped me to escape my overbearing, old-fashioned mother who thought that the youngest daughter should grow old taking care of her parents instead of living my life. I wasn't allowed to be with the father of my child for he was Protestant and my family and my new husband were devout Catholics.
So my new Husband and I left our home in Germany and traveled to America to follow his job. I was to be the model wife and entertain his friends and pretend to be the happiest person in the world.
I am sure you can see that soon my friends became like bottled genies just waiting to answer my deepest wishes. I eventually managed to escape my marriage with my daughter, but the damage had already been done. My daughter would come home from school and find me passed out on the floor of the bathroom where I had barely managed to make it.
It was her that made me realize I needed help, 5 years after the divorce she was 13 years old. I had missed it all, I couldn't even remember years at a time they all seemed to blend together. I sat one night with my daughter on my bed and she told me that she was afraid I wouldn't be around to see her graduate. I knew then things needed to change.
Together we took the bus that weekend, I had lost my car and license already to a DUI, to the library to find a place or anything that could help. We looked up Drug and Alcohol Treatment which gave us a lot to look into. It was almost too much for me, I really needed a drink reading all these drug and alcohol facts. But all I had to do was look into my daughter's eyes and think 'I have to do it for her, if nothing else'
Finally after 3 weekends at the library and what seemed like thousands of facts and pages and places and articles on Drug and Alcohol Addictions. It seemed like we finally had enough information to tackle this together. I think that's what made it the easiest for me, knowing that my 13 year old daughter was there with me cheering me on like a mom at a sports rally.
And now 2 years later I am the mom cheering her on.